While everyone else is going back to school for the Spring term, I'm going to be sitting here at home because ... I'm not going back to school. Shock horror! Not back to my university anyway. After 2 years of going to SFU for Biology, I've decided that I really can't do it. I still LOVE biology (I could cry watching Planet Earth just because the universe is so amazing!) and I really wish I could do something with it for the rest of my life but I hated the "getting there" part.
I hate the school system at SFU. I hate how the grade you get isn't based on what you're capable of but is instead what mark you get COMPARED to everyone else in the class and if everyone else is getting lower marks then you get scaled up. I hate how the class average on exams is often something like 30% and all the marks are scaled upwards so that people pass the class. The classes don't reflect how interesting the subject is at all. I really can't understand how some professors & TA's I've had got the position in the first place. I hate we're paying $600+ a course to read a textbook front to back. And we're spending 4+ years & dropping $30,000+ for a one-line title to put on your resume. I hate that you're just another mass of flesh taking up a seat in a lecture hall of 400 other people and that you could go through 4 years of school without anyone ever knowing your name. I hate 3/4 of the people in a class don't actually belong there and they're only getting by in the class because of mark scaling (I'm included in this category). I hate how everything is based on luck, not your own hard work.
That's a lot of hate there! I felt like I was wasting away my life! I couldn't see how anything I was learning outside of my biology courses was relevant to me.
So I've decided to completely change the direction of my life. I'm going to a college for a photography program this Fall. That's the plan, anyway. That completely depends on if I get accepted or not. I just applied. Wish me luck! I really need it. And if I don't get into the program then I'm on my own. I'm not going to go back to SFU. I'm going to learn everything on my own, read a ton of books, learn from everything & everyone, and shoot like a madman. You might be seeing a lot more food-unrelated photos here soon.
Saying that I'm scared doesn't even begin to cover how I feel. I feel like I don't have the security of a degree in something that every person seems to have in order to be considered "educated". I don't know if I'll find any work or if this is really what I want to do. I'm not expecting to make much money, if any at all, in the 5-10 years (or longer!) after my program or after trying to teach myself. I'm dreading that people are going to tell me that I can't make it and can't make a career out of photography during those years where I'm trying to gain experience. But I know I have to do this! I have always been a dreamer of big dreams but for the first time, I'm actually going to chase it. I hope you'll stick with me on this journey!
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